Let's Find It

I slept until almost 7 today, 9 hours. I needed it. I was tired. My body was tired. It's been a tough week. I am excited to rest again today, and telework tomorrow. I am also excited to start looking for jobs again, or thinking about it. I feel bad about being vulnerable about taking things personally at the senior retreat. I think it's because I don't feel like that's what a leader should do. Or say. But, you know what? I am human. And, I am glad that I did. It's important to feel and say. This team is tough and I don't care as much anymore. I am going to tell them what my objective is. I am going to tell them what my expectations are. Poppy did this. He got angry and went flight mode every time something didn't go right. I am not going to do that. I did watch him though, with awe. I wanted him to like me, I wanted him to accept me. He hit me though. A lot. And, yet I still kept coming back. No wonder I keep going back to men. Even though they aren't right. Alan, Peter, John, Matt, Justin. Oh my gosh, all of them.  Sean was the only one that didn't let me do that. W broke ties. Right away. He didn't give in to my plea. It was over. Period. He was a good partner. I could have been happy with him if I didn't feel so uncomfortable being still. I would hav missed out on my professional journey, all those experiences. But, I would have probably had a kid. I would have a life. Sean would have taught me to live. I did it, I am here. I am the Country Director, of not just one big post but two. Panama and Ecuador. That's big. I made it. Now what? What do I strive for now? What is that other part? Let's find it. 

I'm grateful for...

- My health 

- My job

- Life 

- Titos 

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