New Beginnings

We are in day 3. Jenny and Andrea did the race yesterday and I rode. It was a nice ride. I really did enjoy it. Safe, pretty, rolling hills. The best part was I that I was riding and I had my space. This trip feels a little like work to be honest. I don't feel relaxed at all, yet. Hopefully I will in the Galapagos. The truth is I only feel relaxed when I am riding on vacation. If not it's all logistics. I know that, too., This is different because they are here. So, I just need to Make the best of it. enjoy my time with them. And learn from it. Next time make it shorter, or go somewhere where I don't have to host.  It's funny too because I haven't been around people like this in a while. Justin was my only practice, and he was a good guest. But, I am noticing that it wasn't just Justin. It's everyone. Jenny eats loudly, so does Andrea. Just laying next to Jenny watching that movie was so annoying. She smacks her lips. At dinner she slurps her soup. Justin di...

It's 5:15. I woke up early again. I always do. I spent a lot of time with Andrea and Jenny yesterday. It was ok. I still can't relax or disconnect but I think that's because I am still in hostess mode. Yesterday was just ok. They didn't appreciate the Centro historio that much and dinner was a bust, but Jenny picked it. Today we will hike and then go to the race. I will ride there on my own, which is fine. I could use the space. I am going to bike today, probably the trainer. I don't need to ride outside today. I really want to go to the bathroom. I am off there for some reason. I think it's because I'm stressed. I can't relax. Relax, Anni. This is your vacation too. They don't care if I bike. I had a dream Marcela was leaving and I was busy trying to date two guys. Was funny. They were younger than me and not promising. I want to date someone. I feel ready. I think. I hope Kavita doesn't push on Samoa. I don't want to go. I don't want to...

Ok get excited. Jenny and Andrea will be here tomorrow. I am not excited. In fact I feel the same way I did when Justin came. Maybe it wasn't Justin after all. It's me. I'm the damaged one that doesn't know how to share space. That gets excited until it gets close. I wouldn't feel this way if it were Patty. She wouldn't care if I biked either. Either would Sonja. Maybe it's just finding the right breaks. I am noticing that I need cycling. It masks something. It calms a part of me. Like a drug. Interesting part is it is cycling with people that I crave. Not alone. I could also see it as a passion. I could research others that have this dilemma. I could see it as a good thing. A form of exercise. A passion. A desire. A reason to live. A positive drug. I looked up a blog post from last year when I talked to Kat and found this. Bingo.  We talked about how I am different, an alien in a way. And that I have a high energy usually that's hard to keep up in this ...

I should stop scrolling so much. Maybe give myself a limit because it's healthy to a point. 5 minutes. Just like when I was googling my injuries. It stopped after a while. It worked. So there it is. 5 minutes. No more scrolling after that because I need that time for other things. More productive things. I had a nice relaxing day yesterday. It was good after Saturday's ride to Cayambe. I felt ok, but I think I was tired. I woke up and didn't really feel like riding. Then, it was raining and Fer and I went back and fourth and eventually decided not to ride. Sonja called, which was nice. I have so much energy first thing in the morning. we talked about my health business idea. I think I'm going to learn more. Get a certification. Take a course. Get a credential. I love learning about health. Like Sonja said, I love talking about it. I always have. Health and exercise. So there it is. I will start doing that during work hours. Build my side hustle in the next two years. I ...

This bible thing is not working. I don't think I want to keep doing it. It's just attracting weird people. And I am tired of first dates, not wanting to adjust my schedule to meet them, it's weird. I just want to meet someone naturally. In my daily life, at work. Run into someone and feel a spark. At the embassy. Just somewhere else. This is exhausting.  As for this guy Remco, he seems nice but I'm not in the mood. I don't want to skip swimming. Let's think about it on my ride I guess. I hate that feeling of what if. What if I miss something he will say. I know there won't be a future. He lives in the Netherlands, but who knows. He could lead me somewhere. It comes down more to what do I want to do. That's more of the question. Start there.  I'm grateful for... - Life - Love and hope for it - My conversation with Peter Friday - My health physically, mentally, and emotionally

I found out yesterday that I will get extended, word of mouth but I believe it. So, I can bank on 2.5 more years. That's a good thing. Gives m more time. I also heard I might be asked to go to Mexico. I like the idea that they thought of me, seeing a new country, and helping a team, but I do like it here. I have friends finally and I am not done exploring. Let's see if they ask me.  Jenny and Andrea are coming next week. I am starting to get anxious about them being here so long. Similar to when Justin would come. It will be fine, but 10 days seems like a lot. I will create my own space though, I'll bike when I can. Ten days straight is a lot when we are together all the time. Andrea annoys me sometimes. Maybe this time will be different. If I can't do 10 days with my friends something is wrong with me. This is a good thing because I can get used to being around people. I didn't realize it wa sho much time until it got close.  I'm grateful for... - Life - My hea...