New Beginnings

Ok get excited. Jenny and Andrea will be here tomorrow. I am not excited. In fact I feel the same way I did when Justin came. Maybe it wasn't Justin after all. It's me. I'm the damaged one that doesn't know how to share space. That gets excited until it gets close. I wouldn't feel this way if it were Patty. She wouldn't care if I biked either. Either would Sonja. Maybe it's just finding the right breaks. I am noticing that I need cycling. It masks something. It calms a part of me. Like a drug. Interesting part is it is cycling with people that I crave. Not alone. I could also see it as a passion. I could research others that have this dilemma. I could see it as a good thing. A form of exercise. A passion. A desire. A reason to live. A positive drug. I looked up a blog post from last year when I talked to Kat and found this. Bingo.  We talked about how I am different, an alien in a way. And that I have a high energy usually that's hard to keep up in this ...

I should stop scrolling so much. Maybe give myself a limit because it's healthy to a point. 5 minutes. Just like when I was googling my injuries. It stopped after a while. It worked. So there it is. 5 minutes. No more scrolling after that because I need that time for other things. More productive things. I had a nice relaxing day yesterday. It was good after Saturday's ride to Cayambe. I felt ok, but I think I was tired. I woke up and didn't really feel like riding. Then, it was raining and Fer and I went back and fourth and eventually decided not to ride. Sonja called, which was nice. I have so much energy first thing in the morning. we talked about my health business idea. I think I'm going to learn more. Get a certification. Take a course. Get a credential. I love learning about health. Like Sonja said, I love talking about it. I always have. Health and exercise. So there it is. I will start doing that during work hours. Build my side hustle in the next two years. I ...

This bible thing is not working. I don't think I want to keep doing it. It's just attracting weird people. And I am tired of first dates, not wanting to adjust my schedule to meet them, it's weird. I just want to meet someone naturally. In my daily life, at work. Run into someone and feel a spark. At the embassy. Just somewhere else. This is exhausting.  As for this guy Remco, he seems nice but I'm not in the mood. I don't want to skip swimming. Let's think about it on my ride I guess. I hate that feeling of what if. What if I miss something he will say. I know there won't be a future. He lives in the Netherlands, but who knows. He could lead me somewhere. It comes down more to what do I want to do. That's more of the question. Start there.  I'm grateful for... - Life - Love and hope for it - My conversation with Peter Friday - My health physically, mentally, and emotionally

I found out yesterday that I will get extended, word of mouth but I believe it. So, I can bank on 2.5 more years. That's a good thing. Gives m more time. I also heard I might be asked to go to Mexico. I like the idea that they thought of me, seeing a new country, and helping a team, but I do like it here. I have friends finally and I am not done exploring. Let's see if they ask me.  Jenny and Andrea are coming next week. I am starting to get anxious about them being here so long. Similar to when Justin would come. It will be fine, but 10 days seems like a lot. I will create my own space though, I'll bike when I can. Ten days straight is a lot when we are together all the time. Andrea annoys me sometimes. Maybe this time will be different. If I can't do 10 days with my friends something is wrong with me. This is a good thing because I can get used to being around people. I didn't realize it wa sho much time until it got close.  I'm grateful for... - Life - My hea...

I had the weirdest dream. There was a 13km swim through caves and we had to keep our heads down because there were officers lines up on top of us. Probably me thinking of Ice. Anyways, I kept getting lost. Someone I was with put on flippers and I couldn't keep up. It was hard and felt punitive, but also a race or event. I also had to catch a flight after and was worried I would be late. I ended up in the beginning again some how and some guy helped me get back to 10k. I found out later he was the winner of previous years. Last thing that happened before I woke up was that we went in again at 11k I think. Water represents emotions. I was in an event, feeling good, then I got turned around and had a set back. I think this all has to do with not knowing if I'm extending or what I will do after Peace Corps. I hate worrying about it. I wonder if it's worth it. Maybe just jump. Leave. Find something else. I will start looking. Start interviewing. I don't want to live like thi...

Yesterday was good. I was starting a ride on my own and Erika Saa invited me to join her group. I went and it was a good ride. Easy pace, long, and the two others were nice. I got to know her too which was cool. One more person in the cycling community. I connected too. That's what I need. at least one connection every weekend day. Then I went to the cafe in Eco Park with Christian. No connection really. He was nice, and it was nice to connect. But, when he started talking about filters and AI bumble strategies I got insecure. No thank you. Either way I got home at almost 4 and it felt to get out and connect. I had some down time, but not too much. I am feeling good. I am hoping for a good week ahead.  I did a complete 360 on the nursing school idea. Patty talked me out of it in less than 2 minutes. I am so easily swayed. She said it was below me, which I was also afraid of but that's just the ego talking. I think I would like it actually. Not sure about the school part, but it...