Chapter Closed

I talked to Peter yesterday. It was hard this time. I think because he talked about Mary in a nicer way. He said she's solid. He loves her, I can tell. I want that, that's why It made me sad. But, it's ok, I will get there. I will find him. He will find me. It will happen. The right man will step into my life. Probably when I go back to the US, but he will come in. I know he will. Peter mentioned that they tried IVF and failed. I hate to say this, but I hope they fail if they try again. I know it's cruel, but I could have had kids. Peter was my 30s. The time to have them. I don't even think we talked about it. We were too focused on ourselves. Not on each other. Not on us. Not on that. He doesn't deserve to have a child just like I didn't have one. I know this is so cruel, but It's how I feel. He hurt me. I am still not over it, either. Apparently. I don't think I want to talk to him anymore. He's not a friend if we can't even see each other. It's think he regrets that we didn't try. I think he regrets that we split up. I don't. Even on the phone I was annoyed by him. and he triggered me by brining up the kid thing. I can't have them now. Chapter closed. 

I'm grateful for...

- life

- friends

- family

- my health physically, emotionally, and mentally 

- going on this Loja trip

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