Another Session

I had a session with Elizabeth yesterday. It was good. It's getting better. I still think about what Jenny said about finding someone who can help heal my trauma. We don't go deep, but that's ok right now. Eventually I will have to find a way to heal this wound. She is a problem solver like me. We talked about Justin and how I did try to have the separation and it didn't work. I tried. We failed. He called. I called. But after talking to Jenny yesterday and seeing what Tim is doing to her I am more sure I can't talk to Justin. I hurt him. I played games. I was unstable. I think he finally realized that. That I was damaged in some way like Jenny thinks of Tim. I don't want to be friends with someone who thinks I'm hurting them or did. It could also just me simply what Elizabeth says. He just wasn't the right fit. So simple. Regardless, I am clear now. Done with thinking about being friends with Justin. No more of that. Let's see how I feel and where I am at in 2 years. I am still attached. 

My mind feels messy about today. Things I have to do today: Bike 45 min - now, strength training, pick up mouth guard - 12, See bike fit guy - 4. Work gets in the way, but if this plan stays I will do strength after mouth guard and leave work early. If not, I can work out later and go to reuben earlier. Let's see what he responds. I am bored at work. Not motivated at all. And I want to be more engaged, but I can't. I need to try harder. Maybe it's time for another Volunteer visit. Perhaps the amazon this time. I think I will plan something for after swearing in. It's important. Maybe it will get me more excited about work. Or maybe I just need to find another job. 

I'm grateful for...

- Life 

- Love and hope for it

- Friends and family

- My health physically, mentally and emotionally 

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