Susanna

Justin Timeline:

3rd visit- 

Stayed with me first week. Didn't feel attracted to him.

Was annoyed quickly, put up walls- felt like an invasion of space but then liked the company. Too clingy. 

After 4 days, told him I wanted to be friends.

He stayed in guest room. Things got better. I saw him more as a friend and enjoyed his company. I enjoyed being cared for. Starting to have fun with him- maybe pressure was off?

Then, I told him I wanted to got to Boquete, and cancel plans to Cambutal. Changed my plans. Told him an the took it well.

He left and I am going to Cambutal tomorrow. With friend or not?

Feeling lonely, less independent, needy. Talking to him again. Will I ever get someone who treats me so well? Cares about me so much?

Miss him or the company? Is it sabotage? Did I make a mistake? Fear of being alone?

Now I'm anxious and off. second guessing myself. Confused. 

Missed ride. Feel like I need to be in pain, like I deserve discomfort.

Eating sugar. 

Mommy frustration

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