Abuse

I missed Justin a lot yesterday. I also had doubts. I think that's normal, but Susanna says that nothing is set in stone. So maybe I just give it more time. No need to react right now. Breathe. And start doing what she said, imagining him on my insurance, in my house, meeting my friends. Am I proud or embarrassed. The latter. He is a good guy, but I know I can do better. I want someone who has their stuff together. Maybe he does and hasn't told me. But, I don't think so. H wouldn't live with his mom if that were the case. It was intense yesterday with Susanna. She seemed to point at me being sexually abused. I don't know if that is the case, but it could be. She is good. I can't remember my dream last night now. Something about a pool. We were swimming and there was kayaking, and I was drinking lots of water. She thinks that maybe I was a witness. That maybe I saw it happen to someone else. I don't know but it could be. Dinner with Mercedes and Carlos was nice, but Mercedes was a little off. She seemed tired or upset. I still had fun. I feel bad for not going to the Jazz fest but I really didn't want to. I will try to hang out with Kury this weekend.

I was sad today. I was ok, but there is a layer of sadness for Justin. I second guess myself and then let myself feel and let the thoughts go. I miss him. I miss the company most of all and how he made me feel. And the conversations that were so seamless. We could talk forever about anything. I want that agin. But, he didn't have a plan, he wasn't stable, he had his issues too. There are billions of people out there. There has to be one out there for me. Come find me.

I'm grateful for...

- life

- Susanna

- Hope for a full and complete recovery, physically, mentally and emotionally

- Peter 

- Mercedes and Carlos


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