One week at a time

I haven't written today yet. I believe I am officially in the depression phase with Justin. I think acceptance comes next. The difference this time is that I have feelings of depression, I'm not depressed. I miss how much he made me laugh. God I laughed so much with him. I think I can get to a place when I enjoy my single life again. Get ready for Ecuador, it's happening. And I am allowed to miss him. To feel sad. To feel empty a little. It's ok. Now I know how much I crave romantic connection. Or is it connection in general. I loved having him around. I hope to be distracted this week and weekend at home. I will probably want to talk to him more. I miss that. He was so supportive. I hope he's ok.I know I will be, eventually. I feel like my heart is heavy right now. And that's ok. I loved. I can love again. Just take one day at a time. One hour at a time. One week at a time, like Patty said. See how I feel in a week from now. Next Sunday. 

I'm grateful for...

- my ride this morning

- my health, physically , mentally, and emotionally

- my job

- Peter

- Having met Justin

- Lynne and the massage today

- Jury and her company today

- Patty

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Just go home

I am sorry, Anni, that you are going through this. It doesn't seem fair, does it? Great job, fit, healthy, live in an exciting country. Yet, you are suffering. You are triggered. This anxiety about coming home keeps returning over and over again. Even after poppy died. Just go, go home. See mommy. See Marcela and Susi briefly and spend time with mommy. I think I need to tell Justin soon. I want him as a friend. Just say it, do it. Why is it that every time I get triggered that's where my mind goes to? Pushing people away maybe. I don't understand why I am so anxious about going home, or maybe I do. What I do know its that it is taking over my life. Why? Maybe what Kat said was true. Maybe I do have this hold of past family on over me. Poppy, poppy's dad, grandpa, and whoever else. I need a cleanse. I need to break away. I need a shaman. I'm grateful for... - life - love - hope for a full and complete recovery
Read more

25 year old lesson

I saw my the tarot therapist yesterday in the park, Erika. She was nice. I kind of saw her more as a friend. I don't think she has quite the experience I need, but she gave me clarity. Mommy, family. It is the cause of my stress. Set boundaries so she will set them with Nito. Talk to my sisters first, and then mommy together. We need to do this. Take action. Stop talking, do more. I know this is something that I need to work on. Somehow that has stopped within me. It has slowed down. My determination halted. With work. With ideas. Move. Act. Just like in the dream, the voice that told me to "act." Buy a rental investment, go hiking, agahuasca. Remember what guanche said, every time you say something do that thing. That was 25 years ago, and here I am learning the same lesson. The universe needs me to do this. So, we can start with this. Sign up for aguayasca retreat in December, change outbound flight to the 27th and visit family in December and talk to Mommy with sisters...
Read more

Erika

I had lunch wit Erika yesterday. It was nice. We had a good conversation. She is planning on leaving soon, will miss her. She has been a good friend. She mentioned a few things that made me really think. She said that I can't waste anymore time, If I am bored. To go to school or something else. She said thet I need to find a job that makes money because I don't have kids that would take care of me when I no longer can. Euthanasia is what I responded. We laughed. Both things made me think. I am still thinking.  Then I felt sick. Like really sick. Fatigue, headache, even nausea. I ate something small at dinner and threw it up. I slept and feel a little better today, but not 100%. I do have some stuff to do today. Go to the YFD session at 9. Dentist. Pick up clothes. Coffee with girls. I had a dream with Justin yesterday. It was interesting. First time I think that I dream with him. He was driving and cops got in the back seat. We dropped them off and they kept coming in. Outside ...
Read more