Sabotage or Settling

I had a disturbing dream last night. It was pretty awful actually. I saw it all. Some guy was chasing us, me a woman and a man. The guy attached the man and started humping him sexually. The man played along and turned him over and acted like he was into it, and then grabbed the girl and ran. Then we were standing in front of the elevator and I said, what if he shows up when it opens. He did. Peter was there again, watching everything. Quietly. Mysteriously. He even went to visit me and then was trying to leave early because it wasn't great, he made an excuse to go back to Mary. I am not sure why I feel chased. or maybe I experienced a near miss and didn't even know it. I rode with Ricardo this morning. My back still aches, low back and hips. We talked most to the time, connected. We talked about relationships, Justin. I miss him. This is day one of not talking. I go back and fourth on if this is sabotage and just a wave of fear where all I needed was space, or was he really not for me and I need to see this as a positive thing. Law of attraction. Positive thoughts will bring me positive people, opportunities, relationships. Stay positive. I will meet someone who is right for me. I won't settle. And maybe Justin is for me. Maybe we will reconnect later in life. Not right now, though. And that's ok. It's not that I am the mess. It is just simply that I know what I want and what I deserve. I am beautiful. I am successful. I am smart. I am loving. I have so much love to give. I met a beautiful person and it ended. Perhaps he will open the door on his way out for someone else to come in. Stay open. Do you. Go on adventures, bike, love, connect, try new things. This week I will go to the Jazz Fest with Kury, and maybe dinner with Mercedes and Carlos.

I'm grateful for...

- hope for a full and complete recovery

- love

- memories of papi

- family and seeing them soon

- life and my health, emotionally, mentally, and emotionally

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