Shake it Up

I had dinner with Melissa and Vic yesterday. Me and Melissa are getting along so well now. She's changed. If I would have seen that when it was time to extend or recommend her I would have done things differently. But, she was the same then. She changed recently, and that's great for her. But, she still hurt me. She still made my life miserable at work. I learned from it, but it was painful. I didn't deserve it. So, I am glad she transformed. She matured or she got help. Now I can enjoy my last months in Panama. Vic mentioned something that stuck with me. She said sometimes you just need to move and shake things up for a different energy to bring you what you want. For me it's love. Maybe Ecuador is it. I know I said Panama was it last time. But Panama was to heal. And I did. It was to continue learning from accidents and bad relationships. It was to understand what I want. That's why I came back to Panama. I will remember Panama in that way. Where I started my eating disorder, where I made my closest friends, and where I healed. Now, it's time to shake it up. And, now I know what I want. I want love. I want connection. I want community. I want a partner that is like Vic talks about her husband, and Melissa talks about Jake. I want someone I am attracted to physically, mentally, emotionally. Someone who has my back and says I got you. Someone who understands me. Someone who is kind, and sweet, and gentle. Someone who knows what he wants and is stable, and treats me like I deserve to be treated. That's what I want.

I'm grateful for...

- Hope

- Love

- Friends

- Family

- Financial stability

- My health, physical, emotional, and mental.

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