Burned alive

Set up a call with mrs sisters and feel better about a plan for Mommy. I will start looking for jobs for Nito. Makes me feel better that I have patty, marcela, and susi with me on this. I had a session with Susanna yesterday, and we seem to be getting closer to the idea that I may have been sexually abused and don't remember. I had a dream the other night that Nito was burned alive. We were all watching, even poppy. We didn't do anything, Just watched and wondered if he would remember the next day, almost as if he was drunk like he used to be. I watched a documentary about Lucie in Japan, she was sexually abused and so were other women but they didn't know because they were drugged. I wonder if that could have been the case. Or similar. I know it's easy to make things up, but it seems like with the neglect of busy parents and moving so much to my eating disorder, depression, and anxiety, and fear of commitment, that maybe there is something there. It would have been before Sean. It would have been when I was younger. I don't know who this guy was that did what he did to Nito, but maybe he knew me. We walked home from school everyday, sometimes alone. I think back to college. I don't recall putting myself in situations like that. I think about as a kid. Nothing. Please help me remember. 

It's interesting I talked to Peter the other night and realized how I made the right decision not to stay with him. He acts superior, condescending which translates into me feeling inferior. I remember how I was his project. I couldn't be myself. With Justin I could be myself. Maybe I will find someone like him who will make me feel like I can be myself. I loved that. I also liked talking to him. I laughed so much. It was comforting. Now I know that's what is missing. Connection. I hope we meet again. 

I'm grateful for...

- family

- my sisters

- mommy and into being ok

- being healthy emotionally, mentally, and physically

- not feeling like I have to kill myself with exercise anymore

- my job

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