Just say no

I slept for 10 hours last night, yes 10. I didn't nap though and put y body through hell. I was not enjoying that ride yesterday. It was hard. It felt hard. Maybe it just wasn't my day. And that's ok. I will say this though, I am not going to Colombia, haha. No way Jose. I am not doing that 5 days in a row. Forget it. Im glad I did that ride yesterday because it showed me that I don't want to do that anymore. Adventure yes. Kill myself on the bike. No. Not now. Not anymore. So, I will focus on Panama. Embrace Panama and all it has to offer. I got confused about Justin again yesterday. I think it's instagram, I will take a break from it.  I read something about how looks don't matter, that everything Justin was does. And never to let go someone who wished you well when you let them go. Or cares for you as much as he did. I hope I made the right decision, and if I didn't I hope my heart goes back to him and we meet again. I still when two bed confused with back and forth feelings so I can't as long as that continues, I am surprised he hasn't reached out. Maybe he found someone else. Maybe he's buried himself in work. Maybe he's scrolling on instagram and watching tv. Or working out a lot. I don't know. What I do know is that by thinking of him I go back there. So stop engaging, it's better for you.

I'm grateful for...

- love and hope to meet someone

- realization that I don't want to put my body through Colombia

- life and being alive

- family

- being healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally

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