It ends with me

It's Thanksgiving today. I could care less. I'm feeling a little off today. I have a headache. I will do my hair today, don't feel very attractive lately. I've gained weight and not feeling like myself. Maybe this will help. I am not sure how home will work. Marcela won't be there, Justin will. Mommy will, Susi will. At the end of the day, they are the ones I need to feel close to. Maybe we can bond. I am tired. Tired of life right now. Trying to find slivers of joy that are buried in anger and criticism. Poppy. I am Poppy. I think this came from his father, and his father maybe. There is something about him that I don't know. He was an abuser, he was unhappy, he treated poppy badly. Then, poppy had to do the same even though he didn't want to. And, here I am. It ends with me. That's the goal. My challenge. The abuse, the unfairness, the discrimination, the bullying. Passed from generation to generation. It ends with me. Full stop. Now. 

I'm grateful for...

- life

- hope for healing 

- friends

- choices

- having money

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