Pulling Away

I was thinking yesterday that maybe I am going backwards. I need a psychologist. I just Truman group, we will see. Starting to see that Justin is maybe not for me, romantically anyways. I'm pulling away. I don't feel like me either. I feel disconnected, disengaged, unhappy. Not sure why. Yes, I do. The cycling, or lack of. Being injured again. I was thinking last night that maybe it wouldn't be bad to lean in to this off time and focus on climbing, hiking, eating well, pilates. Give the bike a rest. I will still ride, but not that much. I think that might be smart. I'm tired. I'm still transitioning. Give yourself a break, Anni.

I am thankful for...

- Love

- Hope for a full recovery

- Ideas 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Just go home

I am sorry, Anni, that you are going through this. It doesn't seem fair, does it? Great job, fit, healthy, live in an exciting country. Yet, you are suffering. You are triggered. This anxiety about coming home keeps returning over and over again. Even after poppy died. Just go, go home. See mommy. See Marcela and Susi briefly and spend time with mommy. I think I need to tell Justin soon. I want him as a friend. Just say it, do it. Why is it that every time I get triggered that's where my mind goes to? Pushing people away maybe. I don't understand why I am so anxious about going home, or maybe I do. What I do know its that it is taking over my life. Why? Maybe what Kat said was true. Maybe I do have this hold of past family on over me. Poppy, poppy's dad, grandpa, and whoever else. I need a cleanse. I need to break away. I need a shaman. I'm grateful for... - life - love - hope for a full and complete recovery
Read more

25 year old lesson

I saw my the tarot therapist yesterday in the park, Erika. She was nice. I kind of saw her more as a friend. I don't think she has quite the experience I need, but she gave me clarity. Mommy, family. It is the cause of my stress. Set boundaries so she will set them with Nito. Talk to my sisters first, and then mommy together. We need to do this. Take action. Stop talking, do more. I know this is something that I need to work on. Somehow that has stopped within me. It has slowed down. My determination halted. With work. With ideas. Move. Act. Just like in the dream, the voice that told me to "act." Buy a rental investment, go hiking, agahuasca. Remember what guanche said, every time you say something do that thing. That was 25 years ago, and here I am learning the same lesson. The universe needs me to do this. So, we can start with this. Sign up for aguayasca retreat in December, change outbound flight to the 27th and visit family in December and talk to Mommy with sisters...
Read more

Erika

I had lunch wit Erika yesterday. It was nice. We had a good conversation. She is planning on leaving soon, will miss her. She has been a good friend. She mentioned a few things that made me really think. She said that I can't waste anymore time, If I am bored. To go to school or something else. She said thet I need to find a job that makes money because I don't have kids that would take care of me when I no longer can. Euthanasia is what I responded. We laughed. Both things made me think. I am still thinking.  Then I felt sick. Like really sick. Fatigue, headache, even nausea. I ate something small at dinner and threw it up. I slept and feel a little better today, but not 100%. I do have some stuff to do today. Go to the YFD session at 9. Dentist. Pick up clothes. Coffee with girls. I had a dream with Justin yesterday. It was interesting. First time I think that I dream with him. He was driving and cops got in the back seat. We dropped them off and they kept coming in. Outside ...
Read more