What's underneath

I think there is an underlying problem here. The story in my head is that I'm fat. I lost the fitness I had when I left Panama. I've gained weight. I feel big. And that makes me depressed. It makes me feel down and it stops me from wanting to see anyone. Justin. Family. How do I fight that, I don't know. Or, do I focus on what makes me happy and on losing weight and getting fit again. Intermittent fasting perhaps. I've done it before. It's worked before. This was the issue before, and I got out of it by working out again. Susanna thought it was therapy, but it wasn't. It was the medication combined with exercising a lot again. Seeing results. I will get there. I know I will. Maybe that is what these two weeks need to be for. Getting there. One day at a time. No more protein powder. Light meals. The Ayahuasca diet in a sense. I am not sure what I want to do yet, but I am thinking of waiting until March to go home. That's what I don't need right now, pressure. And I don't need what Ayahuasca just yet. I will, or maybe I do San Pedro first. Privately. And we go from there.

I'm grateful for

- life

- self awareness

- support from friends, and Kat

- hope for a full recover, mentally, physically and emotionally

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