Aging Strong

Susi is mad at us. I told her she looks unhealthy skinny that's all. She is upset and angry mommy said. I could have said it differently maybe, but I don't regret it. I just don't. I had to say something and she knows she's not eating enough. She knows. Just like I have known before. Just like we all know when we are choosing to look at weight management as a game. A game that gives us sense of control when we think we are winning, but actually losing. She is 50, and has a sense of pride because she's so think, finally. That makes me sad. I think this helped me in my healing journey in a sense. I am much more conscious of my health. Aging strong. I am 44, almost 45. I want to age strong and build muscle and need to get some control over calcium and vitamin D. That starts today by the way. I had a good trip, and I bonded with mommy again which is what I wanted to do. I know with Susi it will be a relationship of once a year when we talk or see each other. It is just the way it is. Like Marcela said, it's like we are strangers. And that's ok. I have no desire to get close to her. I will always have her as a sister, that won't change. And that bond with poppy that we shared. That won't change either. I won't hear from her unless something is wrong and that's ok too. Like Peter said, it's her life. What this is doing is making me look at myself too. I have my issues. I worried about going home because of my weight, Sometimes it's easier to focus on someone else so you don't focus on yourself. I will be aware of that. I am healthy right now, need to take vitamins. I am building muscle. I am doing pilates. I am stretching, I have a coach now. I am ok financially, but I need to think about what could happen if I lose my job. And I need to invest in a place to live in. That can be my project for home leave. Yes! 

I'm grateful for...

- Justin

- My health

- My financial situation 

- Mommy and family

- Patty 

- Sonja, Mercedes, Jenny, Andrea, Peter 

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