Don't panic

I had a dream that I was selected as the director of LAC in chemonics by Susan Mudge and Ambassador Brown. I was excited at first but then realized it meant my freedom was at risk. I had to be at work from 7-7. Then, I was riding with Marcia and Josune and I stopped at a gate to "fix" it and my bike was stolen. Two dreams where my independence was at risk. Fear of loss. Right now, I fear a lot. I fear losing my fitness because of this injury, fear of not being able to go on this ride, fear of losing my job because of Trump. I really hope I don't. I know there will be turmoil, but leave my job alone. Please. I will need to start looking for other career options soon I think. That, or go back to business. I have an MBA after all. o I really want to go back to school? Not really. Do I want another source of income? Yes. I want to buy a house this year, and rent it out. That's my goal. I can focus on that. And, maybe next weekend get a dog. I was thinking about my conversation with Kat. End things with Justin, explore the mountains, get a dog. I haven't been able to do any of those things yet. I will though. At least for now I need Justin in my life, even though he may be slowing me down. I need comfort. Companionship. Support. As for the mountains, I will get there. I am hurt now so that's a no. But, I can do some hikes now and then in December one of the challenges. And the dog, I will go next weekend, at least to look. I also want to eat better again. I was doing great, and noticed the difference but I've taken a break. I think because I don't feel good. Now I know I can go back to it and feel good again. Monday. Tomorrow life starts again, no more feeling sorry for myself or feeling like a victim for not being able to do this ride. Maybe I dodged a bullet. Was do I really want? I want to keep doing my job, live life by exploring mountains and connecting with people, to bike everyday, to travel and see new places, to buy a place that I can rent out for now, to get a dog I can take care of and snuggle with. Don't get overwhelmed with noise. What you want is simple. Don't panic. You still have a job and Peace Corps will be ok. You will get better and be able to go on other rides. Everything happens for some reason or another. You are here because you need to be. Right here. Right now. Just keep trusting your gut and listening to your body. 

I'm grateful for...

- Hope for healing from this injury so I can bike and do pilates again

- Talking to Sonja yesterday

- Jean and her support

- Life and being able to live 

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