Peter

I had a dream of being with a kid again, this time she was a baby. I needed to dress her and hold her. I liked it. I think I would have been a good mom, a great one now after doing all of the work. Yesterday Peter said we could have had been married and had kids. Maybe he's right. A different life. Or maybe I could have had that with someone else if I didn't meet him online. If I didn't stay in contact with him in Panama, if I didn't get back together with him in PNG. I was attached. And I didn't let anyone else in. Who knows where I would be now. That's ok because now I am happy. I have savings. I have a great job. And I can still meet someone. He was trying to convince himself that he needed to jump and make the decision to get married or he would never do it. I don't know if that's true.I am still a hopeless romantic and want to be excited about getting married. I want to be excited about moving in with someone else, So, I will attract that. I will hope for that. I will want that to happen. As for Peter, maybe it will work, but he will always complain about her. Or hold it in. That's not a good way to live. I did that with Justin. I didn't talk about him, didn't take pictures, didn't even mention I had a boyfriend sometimes. I want to want to do all of those things. It could work for a dog though. Just bite the bullet. Get a dog and deal with everything else later. I would name him Sand, after Annie the movie. So fitting.

I'm grateful for...

- being able to be there for Jenny 

- friends and family

- my health 

- my job

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