Throw Yourself Out There

My therapist wasn't that helpful yesterday. I was hoping she would just think that I was not into Justin and nothing was wrong with me. But, then she bought up sensory overload or over stimulation. I don't think it's that either. This pull and push affect is something else. It's trauma, it's seeing validation from poppy and maybe mommy, it's fear of getting hurt, it's fear of losing my freedom. It's my attachment style on crack. I will take her advice though, and try different ways of meeting people. Like Kat said, throw yourself out there. I can do that more. Not sure how, but I can try. The real questions I why don't I want to. What is stopping me. Comfort in being alone maybe, but then I get bored and sad when I'm alone. It could very well be that I am just simply scared. Scared to get close to people. Scared to get hurt or not be good enough. I am good enough, though. The reality is that I am. So, let's do that. Justin decision made. Now, throw yourself out there and meet new people. New rides, hikes with new people, maybe swim, what else could I do. Say yes to gatherings. Travel. Go visit volunteers. Once a quarter. You are late for the first. Go. 

I'm grateful for...

- life

- my health

- adventure 

- friends and family

- my job 

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