What I learned

Justin is sick. He slept on the couch. Nothing seems to be going right on this trip. I hope he doesn't get me sick. Then I wouldn't be able to go on the trip this weekend, again. Let's see. I will take immune pills and vitamin C. If I'm sick I will know soon. The lack of initiative is definitely a value that I can't live with. Good to know for the future. He just waited for me to make dinner yesterday, again. Granted he wasn't feeling good. It's funny too because when it does happen I appreciate it so much. Like when Patty was living with me and visited. She made dinner and I appreciated it so much. It's so simple, and like night and day. What's the deeper issue is the question. What is behind all this. Not wanting to carry or do everything. Mommy with poppy perhaps. Not wanting to be mommy. so I did learn something from this relationship. I learned that initiative is a value of mine, ambition. I learned that it's better to be alone than to carry someone else. I learned that people show their true colors in person, long distance is an illusion. I learned that I value friendship and connection, and I have a space to fill. I learned that I was using him as a crutch, distraction. I learned that I like to take care of people who are struggling or have no direction. 

I'm grateful for...

- family

- my job 

- friends and being able to be there for Jenny yesterday

- my health and hope for not getting sick

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