Allison

I got my period today, that's a good thing. I didn't even feel emotional. Just couldn't stay asleep but that seems to be the norm these days. I am getting better at not ruminating or worrying too much. I just turn off my brain and that's it. I talked to Allison yesterday, she was on fire. I think I will be ok. I think I will be safe. Because Allison will have my back, I think. Not like I need it, but she will be behind me. Or she might even call me for something else, move me somewhere else. The good thing is I think Peace Corps is here to stay now. Trump wants it to. That's a good thing. Now, let's see what it looks like. It could be dire. It could be bad. It could be small. For now, Ecuador stays. I stay. I don't know what the rebuilding structure will be yet, but I don't think there will be more cuts after this stage is all over. Let's hope. 

I'm grateful for...

- my job

- being close to Allison and having her trust me

- my health

- realization that I need to be socially connected

- sonja 

- ivancho going over yesterday 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Just go home

I am sorry, Anni, that you are going through this. It doesn't seem fair, does it? Great job, fit, healthy, live in an exciting country. Yet, you are suffering. You are triggered. This anxiety about coming home keeps returning over and over again. Even after poppy died. Just go, go home. See mommy. See Marcela and Susi briefly and spend time with mommy. I think I need to tell Justin soon. I want him as a friend. Just say it, do it. Why is it that every time I get triggered that's where my mind goes to? Pushing people away maybe. I don't understand why I am so anxious about going home, or maybe I do. What I do know its that it is taking over my life. Why? Maybe what Kat said was true. Maybe I do have this hold of past family on over me. Poppy, poppy's dad, grandpa, and whoever else. I need a cleanse. I need to break away. I need a shaman. I'm grateful for... - life - love - hope for a full and complete recovery
Read more

25 year old lesson

I saw my the tarot therapist yesterday in the park, Erika. She was nice. I kind of saw her more as a friend. I don't think she has quite the experience I need, but she gave me clarity. Mommy, family. It is the cause of my stress. Set boundaries so she will set them with Nito. Talk to my sisters first, and then mommy together. We need to do this. Take action. Stop talking, do more. I know this is something that I need to work on. Somehow that has stopped within me. It has slowed down. My determination halted. With work. With ideas. Move. Act. Just like in the dream, the voice that told me to "act." Buy a rental investment, go hiking, agahuasca. Remember what guanche said, every time you say something do that thing. That was 25 years ago, and here I am learning the same lesson. The universe needs me to do this. So, we can start with this. Sign up for aguayasca retreat in December, change outbound flight to the 27th and visit family in December and talk to Mommy with sisters...
Read more

Commit

I woke up and my back feels a little better. I slept a lot, 10 hours. I am less frustrated. I think it's getting better, let's see how long it takes. I have an appointment with the doctor at 9:30. At least it will give me piece of mind, I hope. I talked to Allison yesterday, she thought of me for her advisory group. Competent and has character or grit. Yeah, that's me. I hope I can help. I talked to Jean as well. She was happy other that. I am still on the fence on ayahuasca. I am not sure I want Justin to come. It worries me to be on a beach for 9 days, but I think that's what I truly need. I don't know. Justin has been bugging me lately. Going through that phase where I just want him as a friend. If he gets in to school that's what will be. It's time to make decisions, Anni. Commit. I bought the reformer. Next up, ayahuasca and Justin. We can do this. Make a decision and walk one more step forward. One step at a time.   I'm grateful for... - love - hop...
Read more