Avoidant Tendencies

Somebody has to feel. That's what Ann said yesterday. What does she mean by that? It bothered be later because I know it wasn't intentional. She has anxiety. I do feel, just in a different way. I could interpret it as a dig. Just like when she said at the table that just because we don't look sad doesn't;'t mean we aren't. Or, when she said to the volunteers that her and John were local staff so have a special place for them. I will talk to her today, but my guess is that she is struggling. I am not. I am calm. This happens. It happened to those at HQ too. And USAID. People lose their jobs. Then they pick up and move on. This is how it works. This is how life works. Now, I need to live. Because I am not, to the fullest anyways. 

I had a dream that I was trying to decide if I wanted to be back with Peter. I think it was Justin in my dreams. We are acting like a couple again. I love him, maybe more as a friend. I love having him close. I also don't have anyone else at the moment. Maybe I should try hinge just to see anyways. The idea of him being with someone else scares me. Just like it scared Peter when I was with Anthony. Avoidant tendencies. 

It's Friday, and I am excited about an easy weekend. No events. Not trips. Just two easy rides and some down time. I need to use it this time though. I don't know what is happening with Peace Corps so it's important to just breathe and live. Enjoy being here. Enjoy the freedom. Enjoy Ecuador. 

I am thankful for...

- family

- friends

- lunch with Ruth yesterday

- going on the ride yesterday

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