Ruminating

 I got anxious last night. It was sudden. I started ruminating again, like I did in December. About my glute pain, and which ride to go to - with ruth or Felipe- and mostly about maybe being late with everything going on and not being in the office when the TPs go out. I was heightened. I was ruminating over little decisions. I will stay home, do the trainer, and be at work by 8:30. Done.  Simple. Then, I felt bad because I ate for the ride with Felipe today. So I felt powerless again. This cycle continues. I get stressed, I over train, under eat, feel in control, obsess over cycling, feel bad when I eat normally, get injured, depression. This all started with one simple thing. Something stressful, That triggers it. Or threat of an injury. I really do need something else. I need that other part, Badly. Maybe I can ask the universe that question. Lay out the path for me please. What direction, with Justin and with that other part should I be walking towards. Please. Lay out the path for me.

I'm grateful for...

- Love form Justin

- Family

- My job

- My health 

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