Power Dynamics

I had an interesting day with Justin. I missed him, Told him I was feeling down. He canceled his appointment for me. I felt bad at first, and then was excited. But, then he went and changed his mom's tire and didn't call until 7:30. Before that he told me he is really good at lying and it almost scared him. It scared me. It's interesting though, because it didn't. In fact, I scare myself with how good I lie. What I think bothered me was that now he had power over me, and I was vulnerable. And maybe that made me act out and find something to be upset about. Get my power back. We didn't watch much of the show. I was tired. I am realizing with him and this job that I am more dependent on him than I thought. I need to have more nights alone. I need to do something with my time. Not just wait for him. It's not real. It's long distance. He's not coming home late. Is this even real or just a fantasy? Maybe it is time to start dating again. Or is it just me being avoidant again. 

I'm grateful for...

- Family
- My job
- Friends
- My health 
- Almost through jet lag 
- Comfort 

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