Better Off Apart

I am still sick. Not feeling great. Hopefully I will feel better soon. I don't think it's covid, but definitely a cold. Congestion. at least I am not missing out too much during it. I can still do stuff, just really tired. I will go with Fer today for a ride to Nayon and then with Ruth for a walk and lunch. I should get out. It's important. Connect. Not just stay on my couch all day. Need to push myself to move more on that front. Connection. Priority. Make connection your priority. You need it. You need it right now. Beautiful places don't do it for me anymore. Because they don't bring me comfort. Connection does. I felt connected to Justin. I don't know why. Maybe the constant communication. Maybe knowing he cared about me. He cared about the details of my day. That's what I miss. Friends don't do that. I didn't feel alone. I felt like I had my person. He was my person. I don't understand how he could just quit like that. I guess I did, but he seemed so certain. So matter of fact. So determined. Peter had that look. Infatuation and then nothing. Is it me or them? Is it the distance? Is it me just wanting what I can't have? Time to break the pattern. Because I didn't want more with Justin. I was certain. He just beat me to it. And that's ok. Makes it easier in some way. I can't go back. It's over. I don't think I can be friends with him anymore. Not without that part. It would feel cold. Patty sent me a quote that I liked. "You can miss him and know you are better off apart." We didn't have a future. He wasn't leaving. He wants his simple life on a boat or in Spain. I want more. He wasn't active. He had health issues. He lives with his mom. He came in my life for a reason. To show me what if feels like to have a man in my life that feels like a partner. To help me through the transition of moving to Ecuador. To realize how much I want to connect like I did with him. Now I just need to find that man. He needs to find me. 

I'm grateful for...

- My health physically, emotionally, mentally

- Animal Kingdom show keeping me distracted right now

- Family and friends in my life 

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