He's Angry Again

I had a disturbing night. Poppy was so mad at me in my dream. We were all on a boat. Everyone but Patty, she stayed at home. We were in a big house and mommy and poppy owned a restaurant. We were on the boat and I said something that made him mad. He go furious and I said, "fine I 'll just go home." He said go. So I jumped off the boat and swam to Manchester. And then from there was getting a bus to the airport. Manchester must be from Sonja and Matthias. Then, I went to the house or restaurant and Patty was there. I told her what happened and she tried to get me to stay. I left, but was hesitant hoping someone would stop me. Finally they sent someone in a gulf cart to tell me to come back, so I did but wasn't sure if it was poppy. Mommy was in the background as she always was growing up. Agreed with poppy in a quiet way. So, then I went back inside but didn't really feel welcome. I sat down with someone else and poppy and he didn't even look at me. He didn't talk to me. When we were done I didn't know whether to stay or leave and tried to talk to him but he yelled. I got upset and called Jenny. That's where it ended. There is so much to unpack here. I am sad that poppy was angry in my dream. We obviously have a bad relationship right now, or maybe I am remembering something from before. When I was a kid. Rejection. When he yelled at me in front of everyone because I was fat. I remember that. Maybe he is mad at me now because I'm not helping mommy. He had such a toll on me. There is something my subconscious is telling me. I can feel it. Just like Susana said. 

I'm grateful for...

- Life

- Making a decision on this trek

- Justin and his mom being ok

- Family and friends 

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