Today Will Be Different

 Get it out, Anni. Get it all out. Ugh I had a rough day yesterday. Not for any reason in particular. I'm just confused. Confused on whether to go out with Edwin, confused about Justin. Angry at myself for falling in the same routine. Saying no when I'm scared and saying yes when I just want comfort. It's a vicious cycle I can't get out of. I justified my way out of going out with Edwin. It was easy. He has roommates, he works for a tour company. He's a nomad. He's not secure or steady. But, I also assumed all that with one date, didn't give him a second chance. I feel like I'm back where I started in DC when I was still talking to Peter. Why do I do this? Do I even want a relationship? Am I scared to lose my freedom, my comfort, my early nights, my independence? Or am I just not ready yet? Today will be different. I will get up, get dressed, go for a ride, push myself, come back, and start a new day, I will tell Elizabeth everything even though I feel so much shame. I want to please her, not disappoint her. I will go to work and enjoy it. I will eat better. I will snap out of this. I am not letting one day get the best of me. I am still me. I am still strong and worthy.

I'm grateful for...

- Life 

- Love 

- Hope

- My health physically, emotionally, and mentally

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