My Drug

Ok get excited. Jenny and Andrea will be here tomorrow. I am not excited. In fact I feel the same way I did when Justin came. Maybe it wasn't Justin after all. It's me. I'm the damaged one that doesn't know how to share space. That gets excited until it gets close. I wouldn't feel this way if it were Patty. She wouldn't care if I biked either. Either would Sonja. Maybe it's just finding the right breaks. I am noticing that I need cycling. It masks something. It calms a part of me. Like a drug. Interesting part is it is cycling with people that I crave. Not alone. I could also see it as a passion. I could research others that have this dilemma. I could see it as a good thing. A form of exercise. A passion. A desire. A reason to live. A positive drug. I looked up a blog post from last year when I talked to Kat and found this. Bingo. 

We talked about how I am different, an alien in a way. And that I have a high energy usually that's hard to keep up in this world, so I use cycling to do that. That is why I depend on it so much. I believe that. 

I'm grateful for...

- Love

- My beautiful life

- My health physically, emotionally, and mentally

- Hope 

- Jenny and Andrea coming to visit

- Patty


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