12 Seconds

She beat me by 12 seconds. So I am second again, haha. The brevet 200k Culebrillas again, 4000 m of climbing. I don't mind actually. I do this for the love of the sport. I hate competition. I saw her and started to get nervous. Stressed. It was better not to have other women around me. So, she beat me. I made the wrong decision of not going around the round a bout. Then, I could have complained. But, you know what. Who cares. I still won in mi mind because she walked Carreta. I felt so strong. I pushed so hard. My heart rate average was 137, higher than normal. It's interesting though because my calories burned were the same as Andrea and her average was in the 150s. Anyways, great ride. Good to push hard. Great to ride with someone the entire time. Fun climbs. Good people. Great support. It was great, Much better than last year when I rode alone. 

Then there's Sergio. I have been chatting with him for a few days now. Maybe a week. I am trying to be conscious of not getting attached like I did with Justin. This one would be complicated to be together with the distance and him living in Medellin. But, it's healthy for now. Almost like philosophical friends. Connection. Pure connection. Getting to know each other through voice notes. Let's see how it evolves. Let's see if I ever meet him in person. 

I dreamt of poppy again. He was sick, again. I always have this dream that he came back to life and is still sick but won't die. We are all worried. But, he seems ok, just can't do the same things as usual. Like he's sick, but not. I wonder if it has something to do with me not feeling that he is dead. 

I'm grateful for,,,

- Having a great ride yesterday with now injuries

- Dreaming of poppy even though they aren't always pleasant

- My health physically mentally, and emotionally

- Feeling strong 

- Hope for love and to find a partner

- Friends in Ecuador, Caro, Fer, Andre...

The dream may symbolize that your father’s influence, for better or worse, refuses to fade away, remaining a strong part of your daily thoughts and actions.

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