Acceptance

I thought it was interesting what Jenny sent me on instagram. How when you feel like you are attached to someone, in my case these guys im dating or maybe before Justin, then you ask: What part of me is afraid right now? And ask that part, what do you need from me instead of him? I love this. It's like a part of me is starving. That part that wants emotional connection, that part that wants to be loved. Or is it really that part that wants to be accepted. So, let's think about that. I get why. Poppy never accepted me. I was always too fat, or did things wrong. He didn't accept mommy either. Or any of us. Always criticizing. I am slowly breaking that habit I got from him. But, true acceptance. Never with me. I was always trying harder. So, maybe that attachment is wanting to be accepted, not so much wanting to be with them. I don't even know them. Justin accepted me right away. Peter never accepted me. John didn't either but acted like he did. So now the question. There is a part of me that is afraid of not being accepted. I get that. Now what can I give that part instead of these men? Love. Connect with friends and family that accept me. Exercise. Go on adventures. Treat myself well. Journal. Self talk. I am good enough. I deserve to be loved. But there is still something I am not thinking of. When I start top look at text messages or wonder if they like me, what else can I give myself? Distraction isn't exactly healthy either. Or is it deeper. Do I just close my eyes, and think. I accept me. Period. Nobody else has to. 

I'm thankful for...

- Self awareness and constantly learning about myself

- Sergio and how he makes me smile

- Breaking a pattern of not clinging to men that don't want to be with me

- Patty 

- Making friends with Fer 

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