I Know You

 I had a dream that I was with Jenny and Andrea, and we were going to have dinner. There were two oder women sitting at our table and were excited to see me. I was confused. I didn't recognize them. They were convinced and showed me songs and messages I didn't recognize. I think this is. sign I'm growing. I'm changing. I'm not the person I was. I'm not following the pattern I always did. I'm learning tow all away, to say no, to ask for what I want. To smile. To understand where that all came from. Old beliefs. They knew me then, but they don't know me now. 

I also had a dream of alligators. I was watching a little boy and alligators kept popping up everywhere. That must be from the documentary I watched, but the watching the little boy part is familiar. I had dreams of watching kids before, protecting them. 

Yesterday I went on the girls ride to Zuleta. It was nice to talk and ride and not feel tired. Socialize a bit is something that I am starting to like. Then, Felipe asked if I was going to go back to Quito riding with him and Steve. I convinced Sofi. And one other guy went. It was fast and smooth, and we worked together. I pushed myself, but didn't feel pain. I truly enjoyed it if that even makes sense. At the end Felipe said he was impressed with my strength. So did the girls. So did Steve. I am too. I am getting stronger. And this is the reason to be strong, so I can enjoy these rides with other people. Connect with people. I feel good. I feel like I'm right where I want to be. 

Sergio pulled back a little yesterday. He met a friend, which is good although I might hear less of him. That's ok. It's funny because I didn't hear much from him and immediately thought that he doesn't like me anymore or he didn't like the picture I send him. I am not attractive to him. I am so fixated on that. More than normal. I know why, now I just need to challenge that belief. I want to be accepted so badly, that the guys that come on strong give me that feeling, but it's not exactly the feeling I need. I need slow, meaningful. Someone who wants to be with me for me. That takes time, Anni. Be patient with yourself. And remember, you are strong. You are beautiful in and out. You are successful. You are independent. You are strong. You know you.