Not Enough

Elizabeth told me to think about what I said in our last session. And then Jenny also flagged it as something to figure out. I feel less than, smaller than, not enough. That's it. Not enough. I know who I am. I am beautiful in my own way. I am smart. I am kind. I am successful in my job. I'm a good person. I've seen the world. I'm a good sister. But, no, I'm not enough. I can always be more for someone else. Prettier, funnier, thinner. Why do I feel that way? Easy answer. Papi. Criticisms. Watching him criticize mommy, and everyone he knew behind their backs. Comment about my weight. Not caring so much about my jobs or school work I was proud of. Never enough. That got better over the years, but carried on with Peter. His subtle ways of correcting me all the time. My decisions mostly. Are you sure? Why not do it this way? I wish I could get those years back sometimes. But, then I think about it more and I am here because I thought that. The problem is it no longer serves me. I am where I want to be. But, I want to be enough now. When I date, when I love, when I start my next chapter. Because I deserve that. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to feel like I'm enough. 


I'm grateful for...

- Life

- Getting to ride everyday and feel my legs

- Sergio and the connection we have

- My health physically, mentally, and emotionally 

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