Constellations

I had it wrong. I thought poppy's dad was a jerk, but he has good energy. Th poor thing was rejected for his mom dying at child birth. That wasn't his fault. He had a good last name, too. No wonder he drank so much. I did the constellations with Kat yesterday. It was interesting. I thought more would come out honestly, but it was validating at least to hear how my energy shifts with different people in my family. And how I stabilize George and he makes me wobbly. How he is chaotic like poppy was. All over the place. She says I am meant to be with someone cerebral, who I don't necessarily notice. I might look out for that more. That Matt and then Justin Mae me wobbly, like poppy did. Mommy is carrying the weight. It was a lot. But, the key takeaways were:

- You have a gift and so did Tia Nana, that's where I get it from. Find out how to use it. I had the career I did because of poppy, not because of who I am. Nursing came up and Kat said that energy felt good.

- Understanding why I attract men like poppy will help me not want them and attract something else

- There is more to mommy than I think, potential to strengthen that relationship 

- When you have the urge to respond with rigidness, sit with the feeling. Meditate on what hurt and see if other memories come up

I think about life after Peace Corps, and now I am thinking for home leave go somewhere I can see myself living. Find a school. Get my pre-requisites done. Look for reimbursement programs. Join a nursing online community for women in midlife, train for PBP.  That feels right.