Last Session

I had my last session with Elizabeth yesterday. It was good. I think I am good. I don't have anything she is worried about. Maybe some relational parental issues, but that's ok. I know that. Maybe some adjustment disorder, but even she said it was just for the insurance. I really did like working with her. But, I also felt like it was a chapter closing. the leaning the patterns chapter. With David I can maintain that and go beyond understanding. Because I get it now, and now the practicing part is the work. Actually going against the same types of men, same comfort, same instability. I now know I needed to earn love and be the savior and that I was attracted to men who needed me to be and even took advantage of it. I let them cross boundaries, and I never said anything because I wanted them to be happy. I regulated their emotions because I did that wth poppy and that's why I kept staying and going back. Because I wanted them to be ok, and I felt sorry for them. I was attracted to this type because it was familiar, it gave me comfort. I was re-enacting what I had when I was a kid. And at the same time I knew it wasn't good for me. But, I still stayed. Not anymore. Nope. Now I will find comfort in someone who is secure and feels safe, and maybe even a little boring at first. Someone I may not even notice at first, but someone I feel like myself around. He will find me or I will find him. I trust this.

I'm grateful for...

- Elizabeth and the 2 years we had working together

- Everything I've learned in the last two years

- Jean and getting to take care of her now

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

45 Lessons at 45

              1.          Trust your instincts, but verify when something feels off               2.           You can’t choose your family, but you can choose who you get close to               3.           Cherish moments with kids—they forget when they get older               4.           You can start a fire with Doritos or Cheetos (survival tip!)               5.           Fear is a good thing—feel it and do it anyway, let it guide you        ...
Read more

Friends

I keep having dreams of Marcela and Nito, and Papi. I don't remember last night but I know who was there. I think Marcela was mad at me. I wonder if it's because of the drama between them. I rode with Marcia's team again today. First day back after 2 months. It was nice to push myself again, feel part of something again. So, let's just see how it goes. I missed Justin last night, and I still think of him. Part of me wishes I would have given it more time and another tells me to trust that I made the right decision. The thing is there were things that bothered me. He didn't have a job, he lives with his mom, he is sometimes too frugal, he didn't have friends. That one stuck with me a little. Why didn't he have any friends. He never talked about anyone but his kids. For someone who has lived in the same town for his whole life you would think he would have a group of old friends or new ones. That seems like a red flag to me.Either way, maybe I can be his frien...
Read more

Snow

I attempted to hike Ibiza Norte yesterday. It was a lot for my mind. The group was melancholy, not super friendly, and it wasn't the fun. It rained, snowed, rained. It was cold. But, I got to see another mountain. I disconnected from home for a day. I thought about Justin and how to make this better. So, the day was ok. I have to keep remembering that everytime I do something like that it could be the last time. So, enjoy it. Find the little things that make it worth it. I saw snow.  I'm grateful for... - my health and hope for a complete recovery - being loved - friends
Read more