Trust Myself And Feel

I had a little set back yesterday. It happened on my walk to my massage. It was Jay Shetty about people who drain you. Everything made sense when I thought about George, but then he says you don't have to defriend them. You can still be friends with them because connection is important and not every relationship is easy. That hurt. He wasn't talking about romantic relationships though, like partners. You can't take breaks from that. But, still, he got me thinking a lot about how I feel like maybe I gave up too soon, But what's interesting is that I keep doing this, looking for something external to justify my decision. My talk with Majo, Vicky on the way back from the movies, podcasts, research on how long people who are anxious love bomb. I feel better, than I feel worse, then I feel better depending on what is out there. That's me trying to justify my decision, always. But, here's the thing, Anni. You know you made the right decision. So, the work is trusting that. Just like with nursing or these races I sign up for. I don't need external validation to make it ok. I can just trust myself. Period. I am trying to control the pain, looking for angles, Im smart and introspective and self-aware so this works so well. But, I know that this is just my mind trying to control the situation. Trust yourself and feel, Anni. Just feel the pain. Don't run away from it with research like you did with biking. Just feel it like Kat said. Feel the sadness.

I'm grateful for...

- Claude and new insights

- Learning so much about myself through this

- Talking to Lorena yesterday 

- My health and feelimg a little better every day and hope I get my period back soon