New Beginnings

I went to Fer's house for thanksgiving yesterday. Cris, Vi, Fer, Caro, and mi. Yeah they are my people. Active, cyclists, down to earth. Hopefully I can continue to connect with them. I would love to have friends like that. Today I will ride and then get everything together for this ride we are doing. Not sure about it really. Let's see if my body can handle it. I think it can. Yesterday I had another accident. This time, Ruth came out of nowhere. She was out of it I think. The pills maybe. Anyways, I left my bike at the shop so we will see if it's ready by Tuesday. If not, I have the litesepeed. Good thing about having lots of bikes. I had a good day otherwise with the massage and dinner. Sahana says that I released a lot of tension in my scapula area. That's where I carry my stress. Oh stress. I've been thinking a lot about my next thing. My next job, move to somewhere to call home, maybe a business, maybe buy and sell something. It's a lot but it feels like t...

So I am doing the bike trip to Loja a lot sooner than I thought, Wednesday. I think I am ready. My knee feels ok. I will try to ride today and see how I feel. And tomorrow. I know my body. I need to ride this weekend. Monday and Tuesday I will rest. Wednesday adventure starts. It works out since Friday is a day off anyways. Then, I am not that rushed with Panama. I ma going to ride today, but with the altitude I should probably cut it short. And rest. I will go to the Friendsgiving thing at 5.  I was reading a blog that said "find your happy place and move there (eventually)" Meaning that your environment is everything. I don't know where that is right now. I thought maybe Panama but it's not. It's not here just yet. It's not Florida. It's not DC. Maybe out west somewhere. I want to find it so I can settle there. A place with good place for cycling, adventurous people, mountains or hills, water, good weather. Small town feel. Not a city. Asheville. I'm...

I am back from my visit to St. Pete to see family. It was a whirlwind as always. At first I get upset then I adjust, then I get a routine. Then it's time to leave. Gosh I have done this my whole life and it doesn't get easier. I am a creature of habit and I like it that way. I just want to stay in one place after Ecuador. One town where I can bike, and swim, and hike, and be around like minded people. Away from Florida. I got to spend time with mommy and Patty and Lorena, and a little with everyone else. That was my trip for the year. It's a lot. I ate a lot of sweets too. Coping mechanism perhaps. I biked though which was nice, and I had Marcela's house to myself. That was perfect. As for family, I will continue to be close to Patty and support mommy. And be there for anyone else if they ask. If they reach out. I don't chose my family, but I can chose who I get close to. I am not homesick now. Just full of sugar, lol. Time to get back into the routine. Prepare for ...

Yesterday was interesting. We had the retreat, it didn't go that smoothly but it went. People talked which is the most important thing. We talked about values and I talked to Majo who said I was treating her differently. Very similar to how Maria Cristina felt. Very similar to how I treated her because I was annoyed. I was annoyed by Majo and she called me out. Awareness. It was a great thing because now I can work on that and it won't get worse. I've loosened up as a leader. I have become more me and less of how I should be around this culture. I need to breathe, know when to rest, and maybe take some classes on active listening or empathy. I think it's important for me as a leader because like Majo said, people are watching and my voice is powerful. I need to go back to how I was in Panama. Kind. Patient. Calm. I feel abrupt, direct, quick. Work in progress, but thankful she talked to me especially if others are watching.  I'm grateful for... - awareness of what I...

I had a hard dream last night. Poppy. I am still not over how he treated us. How he treated me. In the dream we were at the beach and Marcela had me try on a bathing suit. Before that she said would you rather me use this other person who is skinnier because of poppy potential comments and that the suit was small. I looked at it and got changed. I came out and poppy and everyone else was there. He nodded and made a face about my legs and to go inside. I guess I should be proud of myself that I got in the suit anyways. And I don't remember being that upset in my dream. If he were alive I would confront him more. Or explain how much it hurts. Or simply make fun of the situation. But, he's not and the dream was clear. It was poppy. He was embarrassed. He was critical. It was wrong. I am going home Thursday and I am sure some of this has to do with that. Anxiety about being judged. I am in a different place now though. I care and respect my body so much. It's my temple. My savi...

Well, here we are. Monday, again. I will be ok. I will heal soon. I just need to make it until tomorrow. That's three days. I am not sure what happens then as I can't bike until Thursday but let's see. I will walk here after this. And then at lunch try the gym. I'll have time. It will be ok. I am actually looking forward to going home. It will be nice to take a break and see everyone. Mostly just to play every day by ear. I need that right now. I also need to remember what the podcast said yesterday. I am where I need to be. Tomorrow isn't it. Yesterday isn't it. It's here. I enjoyed yesterday. Went to the artisan market, listened to a podcast, walked, got a massage. Rested. It felt necessary. I was here.  I'm thankful for... - My healing process - My health physically, emotionally, and mentally - Ann as my co-worker - Sonja and connecting with her yesterday - Patty and how much she cares about me 

I fell off my gravel bike going to Nono. I just can't catch a break with that gravel bike in Ecuador. I think I might sell it or keep it for when I am in the US and can do more gravel riding that's real gravel. Yes, it was disappointing, but I am grateful it was just stitches. It could have been worse. And like Claude says, accidents happen. I wonder if this is the universe telling me to slow down again, too. I have been tired. I have been biking a lot. Maybe there is something I need to pay attention to that I'm not. Something I need to dedicate time to that I'm not. Whatever it is I hope that I get that sign. Show me what that it is. Lead me there. In the meantime, I have to remember that it was a small fall. The hospital visit was easy. I can still walk. I can do more in 3 days, and I can bike in 7. So be thankful. It's ok. Rest will be good for me. Embrace it. Eat well. Get a massage. Walk. Do your puzzle. Go to the market. Breathe.  I did call Justin. Well I wr...