New Connections

I had a romantic dream with Alfonso. I think I am reading into him wanting to ride tomorrow. He just wants to ride, Anni. Stop chasing. Just let it be. Be yourself, and connect. See where that takes you. Let things come to you. I do have to reach out more. Fer, Alfonso, Ann, Gaelle. I don't always have to wait for them to reach out to me. Fear of rejection maybe. Who cares. New friends. New connections. What I need right now. I am riding with Alfonso, and don't know what to tell Ruth, I feel bad canceling, but I also need to hang out with other people. It's important. I could tell her I don't feel good, but then I might see her. I could just tell her the truth, but then she won't rely on my again. Three hours isn't a lot, but I can ride tomorrow. even if it's a short one.

As for Justin, he reached out again and I called him. Of course we talked for an hour, and I told him we need to honor the distance. So, hopefully that can happen now. Again. No more calling or texting, or sending instagram stuff. It's over. What we had is over. No more going back, or clinging to the past like I did with Peter. That chapter has closed, that ship has sailed. RIP. 

I'm grateful for...

- life

- my health physically, emotionally, and mentally

- friends and family

- Justin and what we had 

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